dodging rain drops

10.10.2011

usually, when it rains I feel incredibly inspired, and motivated to do something. I get the most work accomplished when it’s raining. usually.
but today was weird. what’s new, it’s me. I don’t have normal days  so-to-speak. but then, in a sense, that means they’re all normal because since when does anyone have a “normal” day, what exactly is normal? someone please share.
So last night I pretty much convinced my Mom to go to Placer Dog with me. almost. but it’s my mom, so you don’t actually know for sure until you’re there. she could just be letting me off easily. But I think I had her convinced.
So on to me.
I’m obsessively thinking about college. Again, unusual, I don’t obsess THIS MUCH over school. But now I’m panicking. Today is the deadline to send out my 4 free SAT scores for free. WHERE TO SEND THEM?! (le cry)
CSUMB for sure, that is my dream right now, my goal. can. do. this.
and hopefully I’ve convinced my Dad that Graphic Communications is a good major. Maybe I’ll settle for Communications- after all he’s employed people with “just” a communications degree… right?
oh the stress is coming on now, I have an essay to edit, gov flashcards to memorize, an article to come up with and …

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Dodging Rain Drops.
of course, it’s the rain.  Rain getting inside my brain (I swear it must be absorbed by my scalp and drained into my brain, filling it with not water but miraculous ideas!) anyhow- I have a story idea… though I had almost convinced myself NOT to do NaNoWriMo this year… I feel like I should. So it’s all about trusting one’s gut- right?
yep, it’s been right ten for ten so far. so maybe I’ll actually finish Nano this year..?  Or maybe I’ll just have a good time writing it and end up sending it to a publisher ;) er. yeah. well. The story idea, I haven’t really come up with it yet. Just the title. It’s going to be agility related… I think. I have to write it though to see how it goes, then I’ll make an outline- once I’m a thousand words into it. lala. speaking of a thousand words- back to the english essay.
it sucks so far, completley lame. grossss.
usually it’s not that bad, but now I’m talking about Newspaper. I have such an addictive personality. I have to remember that. Never ever ever will I do drugs, I will have to be super careful. Because, well, there’s this pattern with my actions. I don’t stop until I’ve reached my “goal” I don’t give up. I don’t quit. No matter what. It’s not something I strive for either… it just happens. I’m still in Newspaper not because I love to write or love the photography/layout/editing/ect. I’m still in it because I wanted to be an editor. When I found out what an “editor” was I was not satisfied with being a writer. I wanted to do that all four year. So I did (well, am in the process of doing so). Not only that, but TaeKwonDo… I wasn’t good at it from the beginning. I won’t lie, I probably sucked like most awkward newbies. Maybe worse, who knows. But did I quit? Nope. Well. we “took a break” but I doubt we’ll be going back. I’m still not satisfied with my “red black belt” what does that mean? It’s not good enough. And Math. I couldn’t pass along with a C or lower, I went back and re took it and got an A. What now? Even agility and photography … my passions… I had to work hard to figure out where I am. I don’t give up and I’m still working at it. I can’t settle for mediocre, and it’s highly addictive. Imagine if people who do drugs worked on creating stuff instead- I mean, I’m just as bad as them… this stuff I do could potentially harm myself (and has.. )

um so that awkwardly ended at a word count of 666,  creepy much?! apparently the devil is making me distracted (and continuing to mess with my ‘s’ key) okay now I’m past that I feel like I can actually write. I need gum, or ice, or something to crush in my mouth because the rain stopped. oh excuses. I’ll just get back to work.
farewell, internet world.
(noooo! )

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