she knew right then, she was too far from home.

02.13.2012

I feel back. back to being, well me. and it needed some Hunger Games and drawing (and Bob Seger) to do that for me!
I know I’ve been for sure *off*  these past four years of High School. I’ve lost a sense of myself and became completley overtaken by school and the obsessed with doing the “right thing” and “growing up” I lost, well, myself…. and for some reason, today, I was able to find myself again. I think it might have to do with a mixture of rain, staying up all night to read a  *really* good book, drawing to no end, listening to my ‘old’ favorites, trying new and different tricks with George and writing!! For the first time in YEARS I’ve felt the urge to begin to write again. I used to love writing, nearly as much as I love reading… but for some reason, my freshman year had been the start of a mental block that had left me in a haze and without writing in me until today. Today I feel a sense of clarity, like oh hey, here’s the real Nicole! I guess I was lost. Figures a book would put me back on track. Last night I spent from seven to one o’clock in the morning reading The Hunger Games. My heart is yearning for the next books. This all makes sense to me, to everyone else, I probably seem out of my mind. To function properly my brain needs a really good book. Without one, I get foggy, I loose my abilities to write, to draw…. it kind-of drains out of me. When the final Harry Potter novel was released, I was lost. There was no book there to hold me up and pull me through life. I think the connection is extremely odd, and oddly vital. I need good, really good, books to keep going. Mhhh. Finally, I’m feeling reassured that I’m headed in the right direction, my focus on life, restored. Finally.
Oddly enough I never would have guessed any of this, (I still have my doubts that any of this is true.. ) but the odd sense of direction returning to me after reading I couldn’t help but wonder and speculate… then to find, I might just be right! Perhaps. I might be wrong. Today just might be a clear day for some other reason. But that’s less likely.
Kind of crazy, how much books influence my life. I think I’m going to read The Hunger Games over and over until I get the next book. That’ll be my experiment.  If clarity maintains in my mind, I’ll know that it was the books. humph. I’m so weird. Oh well.
in other news, George can do a handstand on a wall. Most of the time. It depends on how high-value the reward is. He’s getting much better at it since the last time when I videotaped him. ahhh right now I feel better.  Now all I  need to do is add a photograph.
I’m going mad. This is surely a sign, I mean, my clarity dependent on books? But it’s true… from third grade all the way up to seventh grade I’ve consistently had Harry Potter, then in Eighth Grade I read The City of Ember series and various other books that kept me hooked for a short time (this is when my agility obsession really began and I started to give up on finding new books. all I wanted to do was train George. luckily for George my highest jump was eighteen inches… but that was another time. before I was really erm, educated. to put it lightly.) … and when Freshman year came around I was book-less. I remember trying to write a story I’d started in eighth grade and not having anything. Serious, full on, writer’s block. Now I feel renewed, rejuvenated… and recharged. ready for life. all because of another book.
crazy I tell you.

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2 Responses to “she knew right then, she was too far from home.”

  1. Mica Bender Says:

    O.M.G. LOVE the Hunger Game books as well! The movie comes out in ten days!!!!!! Wish the Hunger Games would do that for me too. I’ve got so much on my plate and my mind is just completely befuddled and overwhelmed at the moment. Just can’t get my priorities straight, and can’t even make myself study for this really, really, really important exam. Maybe I’ll try and read the Hunger Games again. See if it does anything the second time…

    • nbdetmers Says:

      good luck on your exam!! I know the feeling.
      The Hunger Games are amazing!!! I hope the movie is nearly as good :)
      thanks for the comment!


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