David’s Heart

07.3.2012

There are so many things in this world that I may never understand.  Sad things, beautiful things, miracles. Today I’m going to share with you, a miracle – some love, and a bit of awe.

Fuck Cancer, I had said. My heart was full of anger and frustration.  They say when you have Leukemia, it’s not the cancer that kills you, it’s the infections.  He had pneumonia.  My uncle David was a fighter, and honestly, saying he was a fighter isn’t nearly enough to justify what a strong person he was. He is.
They told me his heart couldn’t take it. They said his heart failed.
But that’s not David.

David wouldn’t have given in.  I didn’t believe it.  I listened to people share memories at his funeral… and I still didn’t believe he’d given up. David wouldn’t give up. That’s not the kind of person he is.  I sat, in total denial, the entire time. As I pieced together the photos that would make up his slideshow video, I was numb.  It wasn’t real, just a dream. A nightmare. I’d wake up. It went on and on, eventually I cried.  I hated seeing so many people in pain, and there I felt, numb.  – No, correct that, I felt terrible. I watched Deanne (his wife, my aunt) from afar, I played with Hanna and Ava and we tried to pretend like nothing had changed. Like it was a dream.

I don’t know what happens when people die.

Well, I don’t think they do- I know they don’t, I think people, are like dreams, they never die…

Yesterday, my Mom and I were slicing watermelon, and seemingly out of nowhere, a perfect heart falls from inside the half that my Mom had yet to cut.

it’s David” I immediately say.  I don’t know what brought me to think that, but somehow I knew.

Later that night, we (well, okay, my Mom) got a phone call from Deanne…

“There was a reflection of a heart on our ceiling,” she’d said. “They searched and searched and could not find the source of where it could be coming from!  I called the girls over (Hanna and Ava) and showed them the heart… ‘It’s Daddy, he’s showing us he loves us’ I said”

David’s heart never stopped beating.
If not in a reflection, or a watermelon… it’s still beating in us. Reminding us never to give up, and listen to your heart.

thank you and love you all.

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9 Responses to “David’s Heart”

  1. Deanne Raskin Says:

    This is so beautiful. Nicole, I will treasure this forever. I love you so much. Deanne

    PS. you are an awesome writer!


  2. I lost my grandpa 2 years ago and still see reminders of him…definitely a good feeling knowing he’s out there watching me. Like your Uncle, my grandpa didn’t die of his cancer but of an infection. After all the years of fighting the horrid camcer, something so simple can just easily tear them apart. :(

    I am so very sorry for what you are going through.

    • nicole Says:

      I’m really sorry for what you went through… Thank you so much, cancer is really horrible. I am sure your Grandpa is watching over you same as David is watching over us. Thank you.

  3. ct Says:

    ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ beautiful ♥ ♥

  4. Sarah Duke Says:

    Oh Nicole, you are such a lovely writer. :'(


  5. […] the sour cream fell into the little cup of soup it fell into a perfect heart (by the time I retrieved my camera, this is how the heart looked).  David was here!  I […]


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