perfectionist tendencies


forward:  I had meant to publish something else as my next post, however something arose in the spirt-of-a-moment so I began to write, and this came of the time.  Also, I am currently working on a “Wreck This Journal” to hopefully change me for the better. (or just allow me to have something to do..)

After an episode of lip-biting, neck cracking, spine curling panic attacks I began to really work at my “Wreck This Journal.” I glued in leaves, let George at it until my nuckle-popping became painful and had to take it back. And I colored it.  But something curious happened when I brought it out and showed it to my aunt, Deanne.

My Mom laughed and kind of explained how obsessive I was over everything, my books, my room, my computer – George… and how this was going to help. Somehow.  I mostly rolled my eyes and pretended to agree.  It was  a project, to make me become a better person- I’d decided.  To much of my surprise, my aunt took the book in her hands and examined it carefully.  After a moment of thought she asked if I were going to take it to college.  I gave a fast answer, of course, I have to finish it!  She grinned and half-glanced at my Mom before returning her gaze to me, “you don’t have to finish it.”

“Are you a bad procrastinator?”  she asked.  I paused, shooting a fleeting glance at my Mom (half-hoping she wouldn’t notice) I had to say the right answer.

“sometimes” I replied cautiously catching myself, “I don’t procrastinate if it won’t take me that much time to do something, but I will if given a lot of time”  This wasn’t completely true, but as long as I could avoid another critical glance I’d be in the clear.  I was a procrastinator.  I procrastinated every chance I got. Nothing got done unless it was at the last second.

She gave me a look I didn’t quite recognize.  “Procrastination is typically a sign of being a perfectionist” she said. OH. That explains a lot.  She began to talk about how badly of a procrastinator she was and the stories began to sound familiar to my own.  I swallowed nervously.  She also continued to tell me why.  Leaving things to the last minute gives perfectionists an excuse for things not to be perfect.  How many times have you said “If I had more time, this would be better?” ….. busted.

She continued to ask me about my decision making. Yes, you guessed it.  I am awful at making decisions on the spot.  Completely terrible at it.  This, I was honest about.  My Mom kind-of laughed and continued to describe how terrible I was at coming to a final *answer.*

We laughed, and I shared stories.  Mostly about being a Newspaper editor, and other various examples of my psychotic ways.  She asked me how I lived like this, I told her I never thought much on it.  It was good, finding this out about myself.  Embracing the imperfections of being a perfectionist.  It was the start of a big step for me.


7 Responses to “perfectionist tendencies”

  1. Brittany Silveira Says:

    Um yikes, this would KILL me. There is no way I’d be able to do one of these journals! I recently bought a Smash Book and can hardly get myself to write on the purdy pages.

    • Nicole Says:

      yep! killing me ;) jeeze, I know how you feel… it’s super difficult to work at! You just don’t want to destroy it!

  2. S-S Mattie Says:

    The story sounds strangly similar to mine… I never thought that my procastinating habit was even related to my perfectionism. Thanks for the post

  3. S-S Mattie Says:

    One more thing, never strive for perfection. Strive for excellence!


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