thank you, for a good day

02.24.2013

Lately, I’ve been feeling drained, extremely worn out on life.  To tired to think about very much, outside of sleep and more sleep.  It felt as though life had lost it’s little ‘spark’ (no matter how cheesy that my sound).  Days kind-of just went on and I could feel myself drift, going with the flow.  It was dull and excruciatingly boring.  Nothing new, just more busy work.  Nothing really exciting either.  I found myself getting irritated with stupid little things and wondering why this and why that.  I found myself missing a lot.  A bit homesick, maybe.  But not the usual homesick.  I wasn’t missing the physical being home (well, I was) but I was missing the idea of being home.  How things used to be. Especially little things.  It’s hard to say that you’re grateful for something until you don’t have it around.  That’s when  you really learn to appreciate it.

The river.

I used to think that I was always in awe of the river,  It’s clear water with white foam where the current grew rough.  The large bolders and the many bridges.  The green shadow from the trees and the days where there was no wind, a soft current that almost looked like glass.  Many trails around it, from point a to point b, where you could hike down and touch the glistening water.  Feel the thrill of the ice cold in between your toes as the nerves in one’s body sends shocked signals to the brain.  Experiencing the cold for what it is.  The water flowing around you.  It doesn’t stop, and I hope it never will.

The reflection.

Looking back at life, the trials and triumphs.  The journey, growing, learning.  Who I am, and who I’ve become.  It’s all very deep. But as many times as I look back, as many times I long for how things used to be, it only takes me back to now. What am I missing?  Why am I not moving forward?  What’s holding me back?   Why am I holding myself back.  They say it helps to close your eyes when you’re anxious, nervous or scared.  I think it’s part of the human experience to be scared.  Open your eyes.

The release.

It was cold this morning.  I watched the sun come up from over the hills.  The sky was a soft pink, the soft light was dim, mostly because of the fog that clung to the air.  I watched from the window seat in my living room.  The window sill’s chipped white paint had flecked off onto the sweatshirt I wore.  Hours later, with camera in hand, I left for an AKC trial.  I didn’t bring anyone with me and wasn’t sure who would be there.  Somehow, it was almost a mental journey.  The drive over was faster than usual.  I hummed quietly to oldies on the radio.  Oldies but goodies.  I found myself volunteering to scribe, time, leash run, bar set and clean up.  I did everything and somehow managed to take pictures and talk to as many people as I could.  Somehow.  By the end of the long trial day I was exhausted but I felt refreshed.  Watching, talking, working made me realize how much I wanted to compete, how much I wanted to train, to be a part. The spark had been rekindled. I was looking forward.

Zip
Kep another Cody picture!
Cody
Kep

I hope everyone had a good weekend, and if not – make the week even better! 

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3 Responses to “thank you, for a good day”


  1. This gave me the shivers. Not sure why.
    But I recognize the first paragraph. From myself. I’ve been there, I’ve felt that. And I hate it. It comes every once in a while, but not as bad as it used to. I get it. Finding myself, creating myself, being myself. Like an empty spot somewhere in side.

    Awesome photos, as always. This post was a mini journey to read. I love it.


    • Thank you Heather! I feel like maybe it’s a universal idea/ occurrence… maybe everyone’s felt it at some point… but exactly!!
      thank you so much :) :)

  2. shayewalsh Says:

    Hey, I couldn’t find an email address. Would it be possible for you to email me so that I can ask you a question?
    –Shaye
    shayewalsh1@gmail.com


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